(originally written on 9 June 2013)
(originally written on 9 June 2013)
My Best friend turned 30 today. We have been talking about this phenomenon of turning 30 and as has been the case usually, we both have two extreme views about it. I am not so happy about it (read terribly saddened) & would give anything to not turn 30 and she on the other hand is super excited about it. Infact, she has been waiting to turn 30. Crazy. I never did & still don't understand how anyone could be excited about turning 30. One, you are getting older & two, you are not in your 20s anymore. I think these are two very big reasons (especially the second one) to freak out (like I am) about turning 30.
Technically, this is my last month of being in my 20s. I turn 30 next month. Okay, writing it makes it worse :( Just one month left & then I get into my 30s ??? It is totally same as growing old.
I know how we, women especially are completely freaked out about turning 30. But I also have another friend (other than this CRAZY best friend of mine) who thinks its liberating to turn 30 & its not such a big deal. Whats in numbers, she reasons. Well, may be. But I still don't want to turn 30. I have so much I wanted to do & achieve before turning 30 & I haven't done most of it yet. I am yet to begin my life, the way I want it to be.
Also, isn't 30 a benchmark, a deadline for most people to get married, settle down, have atleast one child, a home, a routine, be able to talk about family issues & a family life ??? Ok, I don't have most of that either & I am nowhere close. Sigh. Life cannot get worse than this.
I have to admit, I have been completely haunted by this thought for weeks now & can think of all that I am yet to do, all that I haven't achieved. This list makes me feel worse. To top it up, I have been observing skin problems & everything else that could be related to aging too.
Okay, so I was done contemplating on a lot of things, mostly bad about turning 30 & thinking about what all could begin to go wrong after I turn 30.
Now that I had everything ticked, I guess the only way was to think, if I cannot change it or stop it, I might as well accept it. A good friend of mine once told me that accepting that there is a problem, is the first step towards solving it. It was time to look at this as a problem & accept it.
In the last few weeks, I have come to terms with the fact & I am more prepared today. You know what they say about pretending to be something until you actually become what you pretend to be :)Although, this doesn't mean that I think it is nice to turn 30, it is absolutely not. Neither have I stopped wishing I never turn 30. But what I has changed is that, I have accepted it & know it is inevitable, whether I like it or not.
So, if it is such a big deal, I might as well do something big with it. And once I let this little positive thought make its home in my mind, I began to relax, just a little bit. Taking each day as it came.
I also decided to give myself some credit, I made a life, chose to be what I wanted to be. I am not doing so bad after all. All those who love me, love me for what I am & accept me the way I am. I accept myself for what I am. I love my life, even with its imperfection & uncertainty. The uncertainty keeps boredom away. Its fun the way it is. I choose to do things that make me happy. I have a long way to go, but I am on the track. I don't have it all figured out yet, but I am ok with living here & now. And as far as my list of to do before 30 goes, I can always give it an extension ;)
Today, here I am. Still a month & 20 days away from turning 30 & planning on a list of things that I want to do to make it a memorable 30th birthday for myself. I don't have the list complete yet, but I plan to put it in place in the next few days.
May be I am growing up after all :D